Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
