My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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