stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
