whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
