could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
