Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
