Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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