just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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