Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
