Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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