i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
