OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
