I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
