I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
