I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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