I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
