Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
