he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
