you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
