I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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