Sry I called you an 8
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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