I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
