Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
