Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
