Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
