So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
