I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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