no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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