she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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