im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
