Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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