um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
