we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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