Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
