His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
