i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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