I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
