I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
