Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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