Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
