I heard we made out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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