Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
