he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
