I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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