I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
