I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
