I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
