she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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