Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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