I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
