then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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