Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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