if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
